I live half a life. I wonder if I will then live twice as long or die halfway through. Haven't figured that part out but I know sure enough that I'm only living half portion.
Well it's quite obvious; I only ever do half of what i want to/meant to do, like I always plan to go to gym 5 days a week but only do 2. I only say half of what I wish to say, like when Bob from Geophysics tells me about his sports teams and I wish to say "Bob, I really don't give a damn. No one does!". But instead i fill my water bottle and produce varieties of "what a shame! How cool!"
I eat cake only 1/4 of the times I want to, and of that only half taste like what I expected. Half of my clothes are unworn, 1/5 of the shoes unwalked and even fewer danced. I watch twice the TV I should and read 1/4 of what I plan.
On top of all this I dream 3-4 times more intensely than I ever live. That must surely use up some of my allowance.
Half of the gifts I think of giving I never buy. The ones I get are not half as good as I wished.
At work, I do all the hours but only half-assed. I sign all the late "wedding" cards and "new baby" cards and "we don't really know you but good luck anyway" cards. I pretend care, pretend laugh and only say 1/10 of what I want to say.
It gets easier after a few long years. Only hurts when you think about it, this unlived life. Ever wonder how summers were so long when you were 8? Say no more.
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